Testimony of recovering member...

I accepted Christ when I was 16 years old.I said the sinner’s prayer and believed that God existed. At the time, I thought that was what having faith meant. Looking back now, I realise that my faith was shallow. I knew about God, but I did not truly know Him.

Today, I see that acknowledging that God exists was only the starting point of a much longer journey.

A Faith That Had Not Yet Taken Root

I came from an adverse childhood, and there were experiences from those years that I carried with me as I grew older. At that age, I did not understand how deeply unresolved pain could shape the way I thought, behaved and related to the world around me. Although I had accepted Christ, I had not yet learnt what it meant to surrender my life to Him. My sinful nature, choices and circumstances eventually led me down a path that resulted in my first incarceration.

Ironically, it was behind bars that my faith journey began to become more real.

With many of the distractions of the outside world taken away, I began reading the Bible more seriously. The God whom I had acknowledged when I was 16 became someone I wanted to understand.I started asking deeper questions about my life, my choices and who God was.Perhaps the seed planted when I was 16 had not disappeared after all.

Freedom Outside, But Not Yet Within

When I was released, however, being physically free did not mean that everything inside me had been resolved. I still carried the trauma and wounds from my past. There were things within myself that I had not properly confronted or healed from. Eventually, drugs became part of my life. This brought me to my first admission to the Drug Rehabilitation Centre (DRC). It was during this period that I came to know Loving Hand Fellowship. At the time, I probably could not see how the different pieces of my life would eventually connect. But looking back, I can see how God continued placing people and communities along my path, even during some of the lowest periods of my life. After DRC, I experienced several years of recovery. Life began moving forward again. I experienced what it was like to rebuild, to have hope and to believe that perhaps the worst was behind me.But recovery also brought another lesson that I did not fully appreciate at the time.

When I Became Complacent

As time passed, I became complacent.Perhaps somewhere inside me, I began believing that because I had been doing well for some time, I could manage things on my own. Eventually, I relapsed. Relapse brought me back to DRC for a second time.

It would be easy for me to look at this simply as another failure. But this time, something is different. I entered DRC in a different headspace.

Instead of simply wanting to get through my sentence and return to life outside, I became more willing to examine myself honestly. I wanted to understand my recovery, my faith and the things within me that I had previously neglected.

I began to understand that recovery is not something I graduate from.

And perhaps faith is the same.

Knowing God Is Only the Beginning

For many years, I knew that God existed.But knowing that God exists and learning to depend on Him are very different things. My journey has taught me that faith cannot simply be something I turn to when life becomes difficult. Neither can recovery be something I practise only until life becomes comfortable again.

Both require a daily decision. There are still things about my past that I am learning to understand. There are still consequences of my choices that I have to face. There are still uncertainties about what my future will look like. I cannot say that I have everything figured out. But perhaps that is precisely where faith begins to become real. Faith, for me today, is less about having all the answers and more about learning to trust God when I don't have them. It is recognising my limitations, remaining teachable, and allowing God to work on areas of my life that I once tried to manage on my own. My second time in DRC has therefore become more than simply another period of incarceration. It has become another opportunity. An opportunity to deepen my relationship with God, and opportunity to become more open minded to able eventually deal with my past. And an opportunity to ask what kind of person God wants me to become.

My Story Is Still Being Written

When I look back at the 16-year-old who first said the sinner’s prayer, I realise how little I understood about the continual journey ahead.

There would be incarceration.

There would be addiction.

There would be recovery.

There would also be relapse.

But through all these chapters, God remained and shown me the light when I learnt to seek him. My testimony is therefore not a story about someone who found God and never struggled again. It is a story about a person who has fallen, gotten back up, wandered, returned, and is still learning what it means to walk with God.

Today, I am in a better headspace to focus on both my recovery and my faith. Loving Hand Fellowship is once again part of that journey, reminding me of the importance of fellowship and not trying to walk this road alone.

I do not know exactly what the next chapter of my life will look like.

But I am beginning to understand something that I could not have understood when I was 16:

1. Knowing that God exists was only the beginning.

2. Learning to trust Him, depend on Him and walk with Him—one day at a time—is the journey.

And that journey is still being written......